as tomorrows commencement speaker； moral philosopher and economist amartya sen。
今天下午我 要宣布我的一个目标；我只要有明天在此演讲的品行端正的哲学家兼经济学家 阿玛特亚·森一半的幽默就可以了，仅此而已。
thats the job。
must get more laughs than seminal wage…price theoretician。
我必须得到比高薪水精力充沛的理论家更多的笑声。
by the way； enjoy that。
bring a calculator。
its going to be a nerd fest。
顺便说一下；请带一个计算器来；这将是一个书呆子们的好时光。
students of the harvard class of 2000； 15 years ago i sat where you sit now。and i thought exactly what you are now thinking。
2000届哈佛毕业班的同学们；十五年前我也正坐在你们所坐的座位上；并仔细地想你们现在正在想的问题。
whats going to happen to me？
will i find my place in the world？
将会有什么事发生在我身上？我将何去何从？
am i really graduating a virgin？
still have 24 hours？
离开校园后我还会纯结无暇吗？一天我仍有二十四小时？
roommates heart were very warmed。
swear shes checking me out。
室友极其热心；帮我把行李搬了出去。
there was that rob lowe movie。
那晚我们看了诺伯·罗威尔的电影。
being here today； on a sincere note； is very special for me。
今天在此与大家真挚的照会对我来说尤为特别。
i do miss this place。
i especially miss harvard square。
我非常想念这儿；尤其是哈佛广场。
let me tell you； （you dont know this） harvard square is unique。
让我来告诉你；哈佛广场 与众不同。
nowhere else in the world will you find a man wearing a turban and a red sox jacket working in a lesbian bookstore。
只有在此你才能看男人头戴穆斯林头巾身着红『色』短夹克在女同『性』恋书店里工作。
im just glad my dad's working。
我父亲如今在那儿工作；这点我很高兴。
its particularly sweet for me to be here today because…this is true…when i graduated i wanted very badly to be a class day speaker。
今天对我来说是及其美妙的一天；因为从毕业的那刻起我就梦想着成为一毕业班演说家；如今已美梦成真。
unfortunately； my speech was rejected。
so if youll indulge me id like to read a portion of that speech。
然而不幸的是；过去的我演说很不合格。
如果你们容许我在此献丑的话，我将朗读一段以此来证明。
this is the actual speech from 15 years ago。
下面是一段十五年前的演说。
〃fellow students； as we sit here today listening to that classic a_ha tune which will definitely stand the test of time； i would like to make several predictions about what the future will hold。
i believe that one day a simple governor from a small southern state will rise to the highest office in the land。
同学们；当我们静坐于此聆听经久不衰的一流行古典音乐时；不如让我来作几个预言；我深信一个普通的南方小州的州长将会有一天成为这个国家的总统。
he will lack political skill； but will lead on the sheer strength of his moral authority。
他缺少政治手腕；但却是道德力量的绝对权威。
i believe that justice will prevail and one day the berlin wall will crumble； uniting east and west berlin forever under communist rule。
我相信有一天正义将遍布全球；柏林墙必将崩塌；『共产』主义统治下的东西 柏林合二为一。
i believe that one day a high_speed network of interconnected computers will spring up worldwide； so enriching people that they will lose their interest in idle chitchat and pornography。
我相信有一天日新月异的互联网将充实每一个人的生活；使他们对无聊的闲谈和『色』情失去兴趣。
and finally； i believe that one day i will have a television show on a major network seen by millions of people at night which i will use to reenact crimes and help catch at large criminals。〃
最后；我相信有一天我会出现在一家拥有数以百万计观众 的晚间大型电视网上；修订法律并帮助将逍遥法外的罪犯捉拿归案。
then i had a section on the death of wall street； but you dont need to hear about that。
随后我便来一段关于华尔街死亡率的演说；你们没必要听了。
the point is that although you see me as a celebrity； a member of the cultural elite； a demigod if you will； and potential husband material； i came here in the fall of 1981 and lived at holworthy hall as a student much like you。
我在这儿需要指出的是；尽管你们把我看成一位名人；一个文化界的精英；只要你们愿意；甚至是偶像；是有潜质的现实的男子汉；然而；就在1981年秋我来到这儿；像你们现在一样住在豪尔威斯大厅。
i was； without exaggeration…this is true…the ugliest picture in the freshman facebook
毫不夸张的说；当时的我是形象最为丑陋的一年级新生。
when harvard asked me for a picture the previous summer； i thought it was for their records； so i jogged in the august heat to a passport photo office and sat for a morgue shot。
那年夏天；哈佛向我索要一张照片；我想是以备档案使用；便顶着八月酷暑轻轻推开照像馆的门，呆如木鸡的拍了张死人般的照片。
to make matters worse； when the facebook came out； they put my picture right next to catherine oxenberg； a stunning blonde actress who was expected to join the class of 85； but decided to defer admission so she could join the cast of dynasty。
然而更为糟糕的是；个人简历一出来；我的照片被贴在凯思琳·奥克森的右边；那可是一位令人倾倒的女演员；有望入围85年度最佳小姐竞选；但她却决意进军演员阵容的王朝。
folks； my photo would have looked bad on any page； but next to catherine oxenberg； i looked like a mackerel that had been in a car acomident。
亲爱的朋友们；把我的照片放在任何地方可能都不太好看；但是要是与凯思琳·奥克森的玉照摆在一块儿；那可是让我出尽了洋相了。
you see； in those days； i was 6 feet 4 inches tall and i weighed 150 pounds。
true。
你们知道；那年我的身高是6英尺4英寸；体重为150磅；我是实话实说。
recently； i had some structural engineers run those numbers into a computer model； and acomording to the computer； i collapsed in 1987； killing hundreds in taiwan。
最近；我请几位结构工程师把这些数字输入到电脑模型；根据电脑的预测，我的体重将于1987年在台湾减轻数百磅。
after freshman year； i moved to mather house。
mather house； incidentally； was designed by the same firm that built hitlers bunker。
大一后；我搬至马塞尔；碰巧它的样式和希特勒暗堡同出一辙。
in fact； if hitler had conducted the war from mother house； he would have shot himself a year earlier。
saved us a lot of trouble。（哄堂大笑）
说真的；当年希特勒如果是从马塞尔发动战争；那他定会早死一年；那要减少多少灾难啊。
1985 seems like a long time ago now。
when i had my class day； you students would have been seven years old。
1985年距今似乎是很久远的了；那年我在这儿上学；你们不过只有七岁。
seven years old！
you realize what that means？
七岁；你们知道那意味着什么？
back then i could have beaten any of you in a fight。
and i mean really badly。
如回到当年；你们任何一个都打不过我。（大笑）
我的意思是真的烦透了。
like no contest at all。
if anyone here has a time machine； seriously； i will kick your seven_year_old butt right now。
我强调的是；就像根本没有争斗一样；如有人有个时间机器，我就可以打他们七岁时的屁股了。
a lot has happened in 15 years though。
when you think about it； we come from completely different worlds。
十五年间多少风云变幻；你们什么时候想过，我们是来自完全不同的世界的人。
when i graduated in 1985； we watched movies starring tom cruise and listened to music by madonna。
i come from a time when we huddled around the tv set and watched the cosby show on nbc； never imagining that there would one day be a show called cosby on cbs。
1985年就是我毕业的那年；我们观看了汤姆克鲁斯的电影；听过了麦当娜的歌曲。在那个年代里；我们曾挤在一块看美国广播电视网上cosby节目而从未想过有一天也能上cbs。
in 1985 we drove cars with drivers_side air bags。
1985年我们带着司机挎包驾驶着汽车。
but if you had told us that one day there would be passenger_side air bags； wed have burned you for witchcraft。
但你们告诉我如果有一天将会有乘客挎包的话，我们会认为你是在骗人。
of course i think there is some common ground between us。
我想我们之间会有一些共同的体验。
i remember well the great uncertainty of this day； the anxiety
那日的不确定与焦虑仍记忆犹新。
many of you are justifiably nervous about leaving the safe； comfortable world of harvard yard and hurling yourself headlong into the cold； harsh world of harvard grad school； a plum job in your fathers firm； or a year abroad with a gold amex card and then a plum job at your father's firm。
你们当中的许多人正担心就要离开这安全舒适的哈佛大院而挤入冰冷恶劣的哈佛研究生院，或者去你父亲公司或是去干令人头痛的差使，或拿一张amex金卡到外逗留一年，然后又回来继续干你父亲公司的令人头痛的差使。
let me assure you that the knowledge you gained here at harvard is a precious gift that will never leave you。
我敢向你们保证说从哈佛所学的知识是你们永远的珍贵的财富。
take it from me； your education is yours to keep forever。
从我的经历来说；接受教育就是维系生计。
why； many of you have read the merchant of florence； and that will inspire you when you travel to the island of spain
为何这样说？你们当中不少人看过《佛罗伦萨商人》这本书；当你去西班牙旅行时，它将激发你灵感。
theres also sadness today。 a feeling of loss that youre leaving harvard forever。
今天亦是一个悲伤与失落的日子。一种将永远离开哈佛的念头弥漫在你们的脑海。
let me assure you that you never really leave harvard。
让我告诉你们；你们绝不会真正的离开哈佛。
the harvard fundraising committee will be on your ass until the day you die。
哈佛筹款委员会将永远属于你们。（哄堂大笑）
this is true。
i know for a fact that right now a member of the alumni association is at the mount auburn cemetery shaking down the corpse of henry adams。
这点千真万确。我目前获悉有一名校友会的会员正在奥布公墓将亨利·亚当斯的骨灰撒落在地。
they heard he has a brass toe ring and they aim to get it。
他们听说他的脚趾头有一个黄铜戒指；便想得到它。
these people just raised 2。5 billion and they only got through the bs in the alumni directory。
他们刚筹到25亿美元；拿到了理学士学位。
heres basically how it works。
这就是他们干的勾当。
your phone rings； usually after a big meal when youre tired and most v