《简爱(英文版)》

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简爱(英文版)- 第53部分


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ve minutes—include all; do each piece of business in its turn with method; with rigid regularity。 The day will close almost before you are aware it has begun; and you are indebted to no one for helping you to get rid of one vacant moment: you have had to seek no one’s pany; conversation; sympathy; forbearance; you have lived; in short; as an independent being ought to do。 Take this advice: the first and last I shall offer you; then you will not want me or any one else; happen what may。 Neglect it—go on as heretofore; craving; whining; and idling—and suffer the results of your idiocy; however bad and insuperable they may be。 I tell you this plainly; and listen: for though I shall no more repeat what I am now about to say; I shall steadily act on it。 After my mother’s death; I wash my hands of you: from the day her coffin is carried to the vault in Gateshead Church; you and I will be as separate as if we had never known each other。 You need not think that because we chanced to be born of the same parents; I shall suffer you to fasten me down by even the feeblest claim: I can tell you this—if the whole human race; ourselves excepted; were swept away; and we two stood alone on the earth; I would leave you in the old world; and betake myself to the new。”
She closed her lips。
“You might have spared yourself the trouble of delivering that tirade;” answered Georgiana。 “Everybody knows you are the most selfish; heartless creature in existence: and I know your spiteful hatred towards me: I have had a specimen of it before in the trick you played me about Lord Edwin Vere: you could not bear me to be raised above you; to have a title; to be received into circles where you dare not show your face; and so you acted the spy and informer; and ruined my prospects for ever。” Georgiana took out her handkerchief and blew her nose for an hour afterwards; Eliza sat cold; impassable; and assiduously industrious。
True; generous feeling is made small account of by some; but here were two natures rendered; the one intolerably acrid; the other despicably savourless for the want of it。 Feeling without judgment is a washy draught indeed; but judgment untempered by feeling is too bitter and husky a morsel for human deglutition。
It was a wet and windy afternoon: Georgiana had fallen asleep on the sofa over the perusal of a novel; Eliza was gone to attend a saint’s…day service at the new church—for in matters of religion she was a rigid formalist: no weather ever prevented the punctual discharge of what she considered her devotional duties; fair or foul; she went to church thrice every Sunday; and as often on week… days as there were prayers。
I bethought myself to go upstairs and see how the dying woman sped; who lay there almost unheeded: the very servants paid her but a remittent attention: the hired nurse; being little looked after; would slip out of the room whenever she could。 Bessie was faithful; but she had her own family to mind; and could only e occasionally to the hall。 I found the sick…room unwatched; as I had expected: no nurse was there; the patient lay still; and seemingly lethargic; her livid face sunk in the pillows: the fire was dying in the grate。 I renewed the fuel; re…arranged the bedclothes; gazed awhile on her who could not now gaze on me; and then I moved away to the window。
The rain beat strongly against the panes; the wind blew tempestuously: “One lies there;” I thought; “who will soon be beyond the war of earthly elements。 Whither will that spirit—noaterial tenement—flit when at length released?”
In pondering the great mystery; I thought of Helen Burns; recalled her dying words—her faith—her doctrine of the equality of disembodied souls。 I was still listening in thought to her well… remembered tones—still picturing her pale and spiritual aspect; her wasted face and sublime gaze; as she lay on her placid deathbed; and whispered her longing to be restored to her divine Father’s bosom— when a feeble voice murmured from the couch behind: “Who is that?”
I knew Mrs。 Reed had not spoken for days: was she reviving? I went up to her。
“It is I; Aunt Reed。”
“Who—I?” was her answer。 “Who are you?” looking at me with surprise and a sort of alarm; but still not e—where is Bessie?”
“She is at the lodge; aunt。”
“Aunt;” she repeated。 “Who calls me aunt? You are not one of the Gibsons; and yet I know you—that face; and the eyes and forehead; are quiet familiar to me: you are like—why; you are like Jane Eyre!”
I said nothing: I was afraid of occasioning some shock by declaring my identity。
“Yet;” said she; “I am afraid it is a mistake: my thoughts deceive me。 I wished to see Jane Eyre; and I fancy a likeness where none exists: besides; in eight years she must be so changed。” I now gently assured her that I was the person she supposed and desired me to be: and seeing that I was understood; and that her senses were quite collected; I explained how Bessie had sent her husband to fetch me from Thornfield。
“I am very ill; I know;” she said ere long。 “I was trying to turn myself a few minutes since; and find I cannot move a limb。 It is as well I should ease my mind before I die: what we think little of in health; burdens us at such an hour as the present is to me。 Is the nurse here? or is there no one in the room but you?”
I assured her we were alone。
“Well; I have twice done you a wrong which I regret now。 One was in breaking the promise which I gave my husband to bring you up as my own child; the other—” she stopped。 “After all; it is of no great importance; perhaps;” she murmured to herself: “and then I may get better; and to humble myself so to her is painful。”
She made an effort to alter her position; but failed: her face changed; she seemed to experience some inward sensation—the precursor; perhaps; of the last pang。
“Well; I must get it over。 Eternity is before me: I had better tell her。—Go to my dressing…case; open it; and take out a letter you will see there。”
I obeyed her directions。 “Read the letter;” she said。
It was short; and thus conceived:—
“Madam;—Will you have the goodness to send me the address of my niece; Jane Eyre; and to tell me how she is? It is my intention to write shortly and desire her to e to me at Madeira。 Providence has blessed my endeavours to secure a petency; and as I am unmarried and childless; I wish to adopt her during my life; and bequeath her at my death whatever I may have to leave。—I am; Madam; etc。; etc。;
“John Eyre; Madeira。”
It was dated three years back。
“Why did I never hear of this?” I asked。
“Because I disliked you too fixedly and thoroughly ever to lend a hand in lifting you to prosperity。 I could not forget your conduct to me; Jane—the fury with which you once turned on me; the tone in which you declared you abhorred me the worst of anybody in the world; the unchildlike look and voice with which you affirmed that the very thought of me made you sick; and asserted that I had treated you with miserable cruelty。 I could not forget my own sensations when you thus started up and poured out the venom of your mind: I felt fear as if an animal that I had struck or pushed had looked up at me with human eyes and cursed me in a man’s voice。— Bring me some water! Oh; make haste!”
“Dear Mrs。 Reed;” said I; as I offered her the draught she required; “think no more of all this; let it pass away from your mind。 Forgive me for my passionate language: I was a child then; eight; nine years have passed since that day。”
She heeded nothing of what I said; but when she had tasted the water and drawn breath; she went on thus—
“I tell you I could not forget it; and I took my revenge: for you to be adopted by your uncle; and placed in a state of ease and fort; was what I could not endure。 I wrote to him; I said I was sorry for his disappointment; but Jane Eyre was dead: she had died of typhus fever at Lowood。 Now act as you please: write and contradict my assertion—expose my falsehood as soon as you like。 You were born; I think; to be my torment: my last hour is racked by the recollection of a deed which; but for you; I should never have been tempted to mit。”
“If you could but be persuaded to think no more of it; aunt; and to regard me with kindness and forgiveness”
“You have a very bad disposition;” said she; “and one to this day I feel it impossible to understand: how for nine years you could be patient and quiescent under any treatment; and in the tenth break out all fire and violence; I can never prehend。”
“My disposition is not so bad as you think: I am passionate; but not vindictive。 Many a time; as a little child; I should have been glad to love you if you would have let me; and I long earnestly to be reconciled to you now: kiss me; aunt。”
I approached my cheek to her lips: she would not touch it。 She said I oppressed her by leaning over the bed; and again demanded water。 As I laid her down—for I raised her and supported her on my arm while she drank—I covered her ice…cold and clammy hand with mine: the feeble fingers shrank from my touch—the glazing eyes shunned my gaze。
“Love me; then; or hate me; as you will;” I said at last; “you have my full and free forgiveness: ask now for God’s; and be at peace。”
Poor; suffering woman! it was too late for her to make now the effort to change her habitual frame of mind: living; she had ever hated me—dying; she must hate me still。
The nurse now entered; and Bessie followed。 I yet lingered half…an… hour longer; hoping to see some sign of amity: but she gave none。 She was fast relapsing into stupor; nor did her mind again rally: at twelve o’clock that night she died。 I was not present to close her eyes; nor were either of her daughters。 They came to tell us the next morning that all was over。 She was by that time laid out。 Eliza and I went to look at her: Georgiana; who had burst out into loud weeping; said she dared not go。 There was stretched Sarah Reed’s once robust and active frame; rigid and still: her eye of flint was covered with its cold lid; her brow and strong traits wore yet the impress of her inexorable soul。 A strange and solemn object was that corpse to me。 I gazed on it with gloom and pain: nothing soft; nothing sweet; nothing pitying; or hopeful; or su
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