a soldier on a battlefield。 id gladly have given my life for my country。
but now； now that ive been spared； my first wish after the war is to bee a dutch citizen。 i love the dutch； i love this country； i love the language； and i want to work here。 and even if i have to write to the queen herself； i wont give up until ive reached my goal！
im being more and more independent of my parents。 young as i am； i face life with more courage and have a better and truer sense of justice than mother。 i know what i want； i have a goal； i have opinions； a religion and love。 if only i can be myself； ill be satisfied。 i know that im a woman； a woman with inner strength and a great deal of courage！
if god lets me live； ill achieve more than mother ever did； ill make my voice heard； ill go out into the world and work for mankind！
i now know that courage and happiness are needed first！
yours； anne
m。 frank
friday； april 14； 1944
dear kitty；
everyone here is still very tense。 pim has nearly reached the bothng point； mrs。 van d。 is lying in bed with a cold； grumbling； mr。 van d。 is growing pale without his cigarettes； dussel； whos having to give up many of his forts； is carping at
everyone； etc。； etc。 we seem to have run out of luck lately。 the toilets leaking； and the faucets stuck。 thanks to our many connections； well soon be able to get these repaired。
im occasionally sentimental； as you know； but from time to time i have reason to be：
when peter and i are sitting close together on a hard wooden crate among the junk and dust； our arms around each others shoulders； peter toying with a lock of my hair；
when the birds outside are trilling their songs； when the trees are in bud； when the sun beckons and the sky is so blueoh； thats when i wish for so much！
all i see around me are dissatisfied and grumpy faces； all i hear are sighs and stifled plaints。 youd think our lives had taken a sudden turn for the worse。 honestly； things are only as bad as you make them。 here in the annex no one even bothers to set a good example。 we each have to figure out how to get the better of our own moods！
every day you hear； 〃if only it were all over！鈥�
work； love； courage and hope； make me good and help me cope！
i really believe； kit； that im a little nutty today； and i dont know why。 my writings all mixed up； im jump… ing from one thing to another； and sometimes i seriously doubt whether anyone will ever be interested in this drivel。 theyll probably call it 〃the musings of an ugly duckling。〃 my diaries certainly wont be of much use to mr。
bolkestein or mr。 gerbrandy。* ＇* gerrit bolkestein was the minister of education and pieter gerbrandy was the prime minister of the dutch government in exile in london。
see annes letter of march 29； 1944。＇ yours； anne
m。 frank
saturday； april 15； 1944
dearest kitty；
〃theres just one bad thing after another。 when will it all end？〃 you can sure say that again。 guess whats happened now？ peter forgot to unbolt the front door。 as a result； mr。 kugler and the warehouse employees couldnt get in。 he went to kegs； smashed in our office kitchen window and got in that way。 the windows in the annex were open； and the keg people saw that too。 what must they be thinking？ and van maaren？
mr。 kuglers furious。 we accuse him of not doing anything to reinforce the doors； and
then we do a stupid thing like this！ peters extremely upset。 at the table； mother said she felt more sorry for peter than for anyone else； and he nearly began to cry。 were equally to blame； since we usually ask him every day if hes unbolted the door； and so does mr。 van daan。 maybe i can go fort him later on。 i want to help him so much！
here are the latest news bulletins about life in the secret annex over the last few weeks：
a week ago saturday； boche suddenly got sick。 he sat quite still and started drooling。
miep immediately picked him up； rolled him in a towel； tucked him in her shopping bag and brought him to the dog…and…cat clinic。 boche had some kind of intestinal problem； so the vet gave him medicine。 peter gave it to him a few times； but boche soon made himself scarce。 ill bet he was out courting his sweetheart。 but now his nose is swollen and he meows whenever you pick him up…he was probably trying to steal food and somebody smacked him。 mouschi lost her voice for a few days。 just when we decided she had to be taken to the vet too； she started getting better。
we now leave the attic window open a crack every night。 peter and i often sit up there in the evening。
thanks to rubber cement and oil paint； our toilet ； could quickly be repaired。 the broken faucet has been replaced。
luckily； mr。 kleiman is feeling better。 hes going to see a specialist soon。 we can only hope he wont need an operation。
this month we received eight tation books。 unfortunately； for the next two weeks beans have been substituted for oatmeal or groats。 our latest delicacy is piccalilli。 if youre out of luck； all you get is a jar full of cucumber and mustard sauce。
vegetables are hard to e by。 theres only lettuce； lettuce and more lettuce。 our meals consist entirely of potatoes and imitation gravy。
the russians are in possession of more than half the crimea。 the british arent advancing beyond cassino。 well have to count on the western wall。 there have been a lot of unbelievably heavy air raids。 the registry of births； deaths and marriages in the hague was bombed。 all dutch people will be issued new ration registration cards。
enough for today。
yours； anne
m。 frank
sunday； april 16； 1944
my dearest kitty；
remember yesterdays date； since it was a red…letter day for me。 isnt it an important day for every girl when she gets her first kiss？ well then； its no less important to me。 the time bram kissed me on my right cheek or mr。 woudstra on my right hand doesnt count。 how did i suddenly e by this kiss？ ill tell you。
last night at eight i was sitting with peter on his divan and it wasnt long before he put an arm around me。 （since it was saturday； he wasnt wearing his overalls。）〃why don t we move over a little；〃 i said； 〃so won t keep bumping my head against the cupboard。鈥�
he moved so far over he was practically in the corner。 i slipped my arm under his and across his back； and he put his arm around my shoulder； so that i was nearly engulfed by him。 weve sat like this on other occasions； but never so close as we were last night。 he held me firmly against him； my left side against his chest； my heart had already begun to beat faster； but there was more to e。 he wasnt satisfied until my head lay on his shoulder； with his on top of mine。 i sat up again after about five minutes； but before long he took my head in his hands and put it back next to his。 oh； it was so wonderful。 i could hardly talk； my pleasure was too intense；
he caressed my cheek and arm； a bit clumsily； and played with my hair。 most of the time our heads were touching。
i cant tell you； kitty； the feeling that ran through me。 i was too happy for words； and i think he was too。
at nine…thirty we stood up。 peter put on his tennis shoes so he wouldnt make much noise on his nightly round of the building； and i was standing next to him。 how i suddenly made the right movement； i dont know； but before we went downstairs； he gave me a。 kiss； through my hair； half on my left cheek and half on my ear。 i tore downstairs without looking back； and i long so much for today。
sunday morning； just before eleven。
yours； anne
m。 frank
monday； april 17； 1944
dearest kitty；
do you think father and mother would approve of a girl my age sitting on a divan and kissing a seventeen…and… a…half…year…old boy？ i doubt they would； but i have to trust my own judgment in this matter。 its so peaceful and safe； lying in his arms and dreaming； its so thrilling to feel his cheek against mine； its so wonderful to know theres someone waiting for me。 but； and there is a but； will peter want to leave it at that？ i havent forgotten his promise； but。 。 。 he is a boy！
i know im starting at a very young age。 not even fifteen and already so independent thats a little hard for other people to understand。 im pretty sure margot would never kiss a boy unless there was some talk of an engagement or marriage。 neither peter nor i has any such plans。 im also sure that mother never touched a man before she met father。 what would my girlfriends or jacque say if they knew id lain in peters arms with my heart against his chest； my head on his shoulder and his head and face against mine！
oh； anne； how terribly shocking！ but seriously； i dont think its at all shocking； were cooped up here； cut off from the world； anxious and fearful； especially lately。 why should we stay apart when we love each other？ why shouldnt we kiss each other in times like these？ why should we wait until weve reached a suitable age？ why should we ask anybodys permission？
ive decided to look out for my own interests。 hed never want to hurt me or make me unhappy。 why shouldnt i do what my heart tells me and makes both of us happy？
yet i have a feeling； kitty； that you can sense my doubt。 it must be my honesty rising in revolt against all this sneaking around。 do you think its my duty to tell father what im up to？ do you think our secret should be shared with a third person？
much of the beauty would be lost； but would it make me feel better inside？ ill bring it up with him。
oh； yes； i still have so much i want to discuss with him； since i dont see the point of just cuddling。 sharing our thoughts with each other requires a great deal of trust； but well both be stronger because of it！
yours； anne
m。 frank
p。s。 we were up at six yesterday morning； because the whole family heard the sounds of a break…in again。 it must have been one of our neighbors who was the victim this
time。 when we checked at seven oclock； our doors were still shut tight； thank goodness！
tuesday； april 18；1944
dearest kitty；
everythings fine here。 last night the carpenter came again to put some sheets of iron over the door panels。 father just got through saying he definitely expects large…scale operations in russia and italy； as well as in the west； before may 20； the longer the war lasts； t